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Changing.

I just recycled a really lovely letter that Jamie wrote me when I was in France.
  • Current Music
    Mississippi Flapjacks
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The Neverending Story of Snow.

Just when we finally saw the ground, it began to desert us again. I awoke early this morning to find flurries outside my window. It's beautiful until you spend months and months with it, and then the snow becomes like the relationship you want to end because you've gotten so used to each other that you hate each other.

This week has been inexplicable. The group of kids we got participated but at the same time lazy. I was usually the one doing the most work at meals. I had 2 "carnivores" in my group who were constantly giving me shit about being vegetarian. I get frustrated because I can't change children who are so molded by their parents to be arrogant little republican bastards. There was one kid who, after his first strike, was branded the bad kid by all the teachers. And he was bad. I gave him a third strike on the last day for slapping another kid and he had to go home early. Only to find out later that by the time the teachers told the message to the parents it had become "he punched a kid in the face." Yeah, he's gonna get beaten by his dad. And that sucks. It sucks that we are in a way therapists. I had so many kids tell me this week that they enjoyed their time because they got to be a different person, maybe someone who they aren't allowed to be during the schoolweek.

Everyone in this school group had a boyfriend or girlfriend. There was so much fucking drama. I mean they're in 6th grade!!!! Puberty is just now approaching and they are talking about "being cheated on." As Hillary said, if you grow up watching television, your life can become like a soap opera. I've never seen such a dramatic group of kids.

My night hike was a disaster. Can I just say that saturation is the point of ultimate misery.

Everyone starting giving their naturalists nicknames; started by Hillary's group who insisted on calling her Jim to the point that she changed her nametag. My group argued between Duckie and Tator Tots so my beloved roommate David finally told them to call me Duckie Tots. Thanks. Asshat.

Last hike was almost a disaster. There were sheets of ice everywhere and when I get to the Yellow Spring, Lucy runs up to me saying that one of her kids has gashed is leg on a rock and I have to go back to the lodge. Thankfully, I had my trusty cell phone ("what would I do without my cell phone?!"), but I took my group slipping and sliding back to the lodge. They all hugged me when they left, but I was so glad to see them go. I have a small suspicion that some of them will be lovely adults...as for the others, I just hope they make it through high school.
  • Current Music
    punk rock. yes.
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New Life

So Yellow Springs, OH is my new home until June 3. I'm working as a naturalist intern at Glen Helen Outdoor Education Center where I also live with 3 other interns in a big ol' house. Right now we're just doing training which involves going on hikes, and for me, learning how to handle a barn owl and having the daily responsibility of cleaning out the vulture cage and feeding its occupants. When the kids get here I'll be kind of like a camp counselor, taking them on hikes, doing activities, etc.

It's been so nice to have a new cultural experience without having to learn a new language or deal with bullshit. I have a place to live and food to eat and all I have to do is do my job. Yesterday I went to the Unitarian Fellowship which was really interesting. It was more like a social discussion than a church service.

Today I made origami.
  • Current Music
    Kazadoria
Fiona

Humankind

I think there is something essential missing in all of us, though I don't always know what that is. I can't help it, my emotions are permeating everything - poetry, friendship, health, acne, hair, appetite, booze-tite, ennui, ennui, ennui....

Whatever it is, I hope we find it soon.
  • Current Mood
    discontent discontent
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I like this poem even though Sam Witt is a liar.

Why I Hate the King

Yesterday, I snapped my silk suspenders
over my shoulders and though about Charles I,
beheaded rather than hanged, "to spare him
the indignity of ejaculating in public."
Every morning I try to save myself from this.

I'm thinking of a bearded lady as the axe falls.
I'm thinking of autumn pears, already
nailed to the ground in the backyard, already covered
by the silver shawl of my widowed season. It's a dignity
we'd save ourselves everyday, if only we could.

-Sam Witt, who said he was in San Francisco on Sept 11 but was really at CMSU.
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I miss you kids....

I miss the gang from Valenciennes. I look at pictures and it reminds me of all the crazy times I had with people who shared the same dream as me. No, that's ideal. But we did have the same taste in beer. I don't know, it's just awesome when you find a group who doesn't share much but this feeling of alienation. You can share so much. I miss that.

I just got back from drinkin' with Ruth and Maud. Ruth and I shared a Long Island Ice Tea after a beer. It's a good feeling.
  • Current Mood
    lonely lonely
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Vive les anêries!

From now on, I shall know be known as "La Princesse des Anêries", or for you fringlesh, "The Princess of Foolish Things." I think it's chouette.
  • Current Mood
    silly silly
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Ephemeral Ethereal

It is quite impossible to kill a passion by arguing against it.
Maybe if he'd said enthralling

As he fidgeted with his leather belt --
or I would have taken dissolute

But he said "This thing between us is so --"
and the instant he uttered the syllables

I was lost.
Ephemeral? Ethereal?

One is fleeting; the other, otherworldly -
Which did he say? Which applied to our awkward kiss?

--Aliki Barnstone
  • Current Music
    Bob Marley